How many times must I ask myself why? How many times must I cry? Im now either a schizophrenic or I have bipolar mania...... WTFH!!! :(( This is to much to handle I cant do this and dont think I want to anymore

Im commiting myself to a mental health hospital thursday morning just a brief moment in my insanity to stop and actually put the truth in writing.....

Bored with nothing to do. Just sitting at the house with M, debating what and where we should go. We tried working on my truck but the effing ratchet broke!

Over come and completely silent! Im at a loss for words. When I try to talk about it the words come out all wrong. I know you want to know but Im doing my best

Good Morning

Good Morning to you! I just woke up and got to hang out with the coolest little angel. I have begun to explore my brain, and think about why I am doing what I have been doing. I woke up and looked around the room to see my big sister, and M. M rolled over and smiled said good morning baby doll as he does every morning, and then asked where his kiss was. This has become an every morning occurence. I LOVE IT! M and I have come to a point in our relationship where I don't think I could go an extended eriod of time without him, puppy love or not it still seems as though it would really hurt to be away from him for to long. I have an opportunity to possibly go study in London for a semester, and I asked him what he thought. He replied that I should go for it, and when it comes time to talk about leaving we will get to it then, because he didn't want to hold me back. This is shocking to me because I've very rarely had a guy put my wants in front of his feelings. This type of behavior has become a everyday thing for him, he puts me first and very rarely asks me for anything. I wonder if this will be a part of our relationship forever, or just a passing puppylove stage? My head is still pretty confused and excited about M becoming part of my life, and it is all still so hard to grip and drag into reality. I swear I am in a coma somewhere and this is all a warped coma dream. I continually ask myself if this is fantasy or reality, and the same answer prevails so far as YEP it is all 100% real. M has brought new found happiness and a whole other family into my life. I now have a big brother and sister that have this beautiful angel i was talking about earlier in the post. I also have gained a crazy ass little brother, and several more people that I know see as my family. These people have fought for me, and stood up for me. These things are foreign to me, and I never knew what it felt like for a guy to stand up for me. M acquired a black eye for me and it was just strange to know that I was the cause for the fight. He didn't care and told me that he would take more than a black eye for me, and that's when I knew or truly believed that M loved me whole heartedly. The last question I leave with for now would be: How do I let go completely, and just let myself be happy when it is all I have ever wanted and I have the man of my dreams, yet still search for the flaws? How do I stop lookin toward the bad, and start focusing on the good?

Inital Thoughts

Sitting in a room wondering why Im deciding to start this blog. I decide it would be a good idea to get all my thoughts down about the new direction my life has decided to take. I once knew a boy back in high school we shall call him M. I fell for this boy in high school, but he was always taken, and I was always a good girl. Once we finally had our moment, however brief it may have been; I left him wishing for a rematch and I left wishing that I could have been his and made my intentions known. We lost touch in my mind after that ( I have a shitty memory) I spent several years in a few different relationships that all met standard that M had set for me when I was back in high school. Every time one of these relationships would end i would spend a week or two looking for M in all different kinds of ways, going so far once as to walking around the place where he lived in high school hoping to run into him. Yet never did until about 5 or 6 months ago! He ran into me at a gas station, and ever since we have pretty much been inseperable. I got out of the relationship I was in just to give him the full chance to have me. I want to say this though my ex will always hold a place in my heart he was with me thru a lot of trying and difficult times, but that wasn't enough to trump what M had. Know M and I are together and have been offically since Jan 1st 2011 and it has been amazing. We have just about everything in common, and we both understand and work very well together. It sometimes goes without a word spoke nwe just know what to do for one another; he is constinently telling me to stay out of his head, and I just can't help it. I feel as thought this is where I should have been many years ago. If that were true though it would have been, and without our pasts we wouldn't be the people that we are today, and wouldn;t be able to appreciate one another like we do today if it wasn't for our pasts. Ok i'm finished for tonight. Good Night Moon :)